if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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