If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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