She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
