Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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