just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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