Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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