i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
