Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize