pedialite and red bull = repair kit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
