Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
