then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
