I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
