There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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