He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
