I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
