i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
