I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he thought i was a dude.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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