my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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