My nipple is on Facebook.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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