He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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