Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
