nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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