I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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