I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
