how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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