Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize