i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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