I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
