Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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