Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
