i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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