thus making me awesome and them whores
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
