turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
