Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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