What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
