you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
