I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So much rum. So many feels.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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