Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
