True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
