Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I could make wine with my vomit
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
