Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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