I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
