you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
