I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
