Duck Duck Cougar?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
