Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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