so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
