singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize