we have pet lesbian snakes
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
