see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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