I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
