it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
