When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
