She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
