I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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