i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
