He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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