i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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