What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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