i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
