I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
