It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
not ubering you a puppy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
