I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
