His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize