Porn is love you can see.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it's like heaven, but drunker
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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