So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
