How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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