We named our party play list daddy issues
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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