my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize