Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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