let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
