There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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