Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
