Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
