I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
