I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
