As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
