google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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