we made out on top of his cat.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
