Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
