Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
