his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
