I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize