Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Blood and glitter go together right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize