Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
