Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
