He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
