My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
