I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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