If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
