Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
