shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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