Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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