Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize