I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You have to summon your inner elephant
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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