ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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